You made me cry and you don't even care
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
