Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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