Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
