where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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