Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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