I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There r osticjed everywhere
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
