Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
