grandma shit on top of the toilet
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
