Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's blow job season.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
