Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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