did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
