I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
