yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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