i think i have herpe
just one?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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