My nipple is on Facebook.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
