my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
