I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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