and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
