i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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