guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize