Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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