so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
