this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Of course I have a pirate flag
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
