Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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