I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
