I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
