You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
