his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
