Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
