i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
