im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
