No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
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