I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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