drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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