I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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