I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
