I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
