you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize