oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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