i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
