I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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