We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
