Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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