i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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