Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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