remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
