I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
