But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
