I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
