Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
