i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My dick has a subreddit
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
