she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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