dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
