i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
