maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
