I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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