I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
