we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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