The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
