I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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