thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
