the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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