Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
