I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
