We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
