If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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