A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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