bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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