I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
