Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
