I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
a search helicopter?!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
