ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize