He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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