Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
A+ Viking dick
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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