I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
