if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
