I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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