I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
