Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This baby is an asshole
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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