shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
