he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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