need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Drake has all the answers
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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