Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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