I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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