Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
