There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
