I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
