Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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