Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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