last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
