If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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