he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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