Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
