I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
