Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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