I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
