Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think your dad took our porno
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
