I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
