break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
