Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
