Pappa wants mamma naked
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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