4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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