You're my little dorito
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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