I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
