not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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