...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
