Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize