just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
