first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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