All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
