Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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