You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
