his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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