I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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