I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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