Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
